do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
