Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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