I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
