He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
