I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
