In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
