I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
