For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were trust falling into bushes
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
