He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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