I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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