oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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