You just made me feel so damn special
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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