I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
