Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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