Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
