Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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