Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
