Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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