nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
