I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
