I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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