Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
