First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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