I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
