remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
