vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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