You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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