Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
