so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
