Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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