You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
