Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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