$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
