if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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