I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
