You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Text me some of your sweat
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
