I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
