i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
