The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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