just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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