Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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