Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
