Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
