On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
