it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
