I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
