hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
