How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
