You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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