Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
