In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I forgot wine drunk hurts
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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