Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
